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What Parents Can Learn from Preschool
Deborah J. Stipek, Bing Distinguished Lecture Series
By Christine VanDeVelde
What is the most common word elementary school children use to
describe school? “Boring!”
And yet that’s not how children start out. Preschoolers are
enthusiastic, confident, eager learners. So what happens? Why do
children lose their joy of learning when they leave the playrooms of
preschool?
In May, Dr. Deborah J. Stipek, the I. James Quillen Dean and
Professor of Education presented the 2010 Distinguished Lecture -- “What
Parents Can Learn From Preschool” -- addressing how and why children
lose the motivation to learn and what parents can do at home to maintain
their children’s enthusiasm and self-confidence in the classroom.
The research is clear: many children go from being avid learners to
being diffident and indifferent students.
In studies where children took part in game-like activities where it
was clear there was a performance outcome and were asked how well they
thought they were going to do, very young children had high -- bordering
on unrealistic -- expectations. Yet as they progress through school
those expectations decline.
One four-year-old was asked, “How do you know
you’re the smartest kid in the class?” His response: “I can
catch a lot of worms.” Young children focus on what they can
do, not what they can’t do.
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On average, children’s perception of their academic competence -- “Do
you think you’re smart?” -- “Do you think you can do school work?” --
declines every year from preschool on.
These underlying beliefs -- children’s perception of competence and
expectations for success -- are strongly associated with their behavior
in learning environments.
The question Stipek and her colleagues have studied is whether these
declines are inevitable, or are they a function of the educational
environment?
In repeated studies, it has been shown that a young child’s high level
of confidence, high expectations for success, and willingness to take on
challenge can literally be beaten down by the classroom environment.
There are often stark changes from preschool through elementary
school and beyond -- from the physical environment to the way children
interact. In a preschool -- such as Bing, Stipek is careful to point out
-- children have choices about what they do. They spend most of their
day engaging in activities that they choose, not activities that they
are directed or have to perform.
There’s no penalty or consequence for taking on challenging tasks,
says Stipek. There is no bad grade if a child can’t get the puzzle
together, as long as he puts it away in the box and puts the box where
it’s supposed to go on the right shelf. With no negative consequences,
there’s no reason to avoid challenge.
In the preschool classroom, success is not defined as doing better
than other children. It’s self-focused. It’s what can I do now that I
couldn’t do before: tie my shoelaces, write my name, recognize some
letters of the alphabet, draw a picture with lots of different colors.
The child who is tying his shoes isn’t thinking, “Oh my gosh, two-thirds
of the kids in this class were tying their shoes before I did.” They’re
not making comparisons. So they take pride and feel mastery and
accomplishment in learning to do things.
And finally, in preschool, Stipek says, children can work together.
They can collaborate. They don’t have to worry about being accused of
cheating. They learn about things in a social-collaborative way.
Think of Bing as your model -- the diversity of
experience, lots of opportunities, choice, focusing on
mastery, working collaboratively.
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However, in most classrooms after preschool and kindergarten, all the
children pursue the activity at the same time. This makes it easier for
children to compare themselves to their peers. Their performance and
what they know and understand become quite public. In the elementary
school classroom, everyone knows who doesn’t know the answers and who
always know the answers, which can be tough on a child.
Another characteristic of classrooms as children advance in school is
that the teacher is in control and there is little opportunity to choose
an activity or task. “Think of the preschool classroom where one child
is at the computer, another child is reading a book, and the third child
is building with blocks,” says Stipek. “They were doing what they wanted
to do. But past preschool, most kids spend most of their time doing what
they’re told to do, and in fact in our research, when we ask kids, “Why
are you doing this?” they almost never tell us, ‘Because I’m learning…’
or ‘I’m learning how to …’ It’s always, ‘Because the teacher told me
to.’”
So what are the consequences? They’re bored! They daydream. They
become afraid to ask questions. They don’t want to reveal that they
don’t understand or know the answer. They don’t ask for help and will
sometimes go to amazing lengths to hide the fact that they don’t know or
understand something. Not understanding the material and not knowing the
answers, especially in settings that are quite public, is something they
don’t want to admit.
Children will also pretend to be working when they’re not, according
to Stipek. By looking busy, they don’t call attention to the fact that
they don’t know what they’re doing. Or they will pretend like they
didn’t try. Sometimes they actually don’t try. Most kids would rather be
known as not trying than as dumb. And if you do do well, then you look
like a genius, because you didn’t even study!
But none of these coping strategies help children learn. They get in
the way of learning. That’s what happens in an educational environment
where there’s a premium on getting the right answers, on doing well, on
being smart, and on being smarter or doing better than the other kids in
the class.
Is there any environment where it’s not expected
that you make mistakes when you’re learning something new?
Tennis, your first job, speaking another language… You
simply have someone who gives you corrective feedback and
pretty soon you get better. But in school, there’s a premium
on getting everything “right”, instead of understanding and
mastering a skill.
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In addition, there’s the anxiety that is seen as early as first grade
-- stomachaches, crying about attending school, battles over homework.
Stipek says in the past these symptoms usually occurred after third
grade, but are now being seen as early as kindergarten. By high school,
it becomes serious. Depression, anxiety disorders, sleeplessness, and
other psychological problems are rampant.
So what can parents do to mitigate this powerful shift in children’s
motivation as they progress through school?
Stipek’s prescription for how parents can help maintain their
children’s self-confidence and expectations for success is “the three
C’s” -- competence, control, and connectedness. These are the three
major ingredients of a motivating environment, whether it’s the home,
school, a performance situation such as a sports team or dance class --
or even in the adult workplace. “If any of these three ingredients are
missing,” says Stipek, “I can guarantee that motivation will not be at
its maximum.”
The first “C” is a sense of competence. “And I say 'competence' not
'confidence' because competence doesn’t always bring confidence,” says
Stipek. “In our research, for example, girls, on average, underrate
their mathematical competencies. They do so from a very early age. So
being competent doesn’t necessarily mean being confident.”
One of the key pieces of a sense of competence is the “just-right
challenge.” If children do easy work all the time, that doesn’t give
them a feeling of competence. They never get a sense of pride or
mastery. “When the parent says, ‘Oh, my child is doing so well. They
always get A’s!’” says Stipek, “I say, 'You better complain to the
teacher, because if your child is always doing well, then he or she is
not being challenged.' They’re being denied the opportunity to feel a
real sense of accomplishment. Many teachers and parents believe they
need to protect children from failure. Well, get rid of the word
'failure.' It’s ‘haven’t figured it out yet.’”
In preschool, no one worries about failure. You just can’t do that
puzzle -- yet. But if you stick with it -- maybe a week or a month later
-- you’ll be able to do it. Children should not have a steady diet of
success. But the competence or confidence that is built without being
challenged is paper thin, and it erodes as soon as children are in a
situation that isn’t easy for them. A robust self-confidence is built
when children have plenty of opportunity to engage in activities that
provide a little challenge, resulting in a knowledge of overcoming
difficulty.
Parents should also focus on learning instead of performance. When a
child comes home and tells you there was a social studies test, what is
the first thing parents say? They ask, “How did you do?” That’s normal.
But it doesn’t have to be the first thing asked. Because what that
conveys to the child is that the only thing that matters is how he or
she did. “You’re saying to them that you don’t care what they learned,
what the topic was, whether it was relevant or interesting,” says Stipek.
This puts unnecessary pressure on children because learning is about
exerting effort, developing skills, and moving in the right direction.
And all children can do that. But if it’s performing better than their
peers, only half the children can perform better than their peers.
“So make ‘How did you do?’ the fourth thing you ask!,” says Stipek.
“Instead, ask them to tell you about the test, what was on it. ‘Oh,
it was on the westward movement. Did you learn about the Oregon Trail? I
remember learning about the Oregon Trail in fifth grade.’ Have a
conversation about substance and content. And somewhere down the line,
ask ‘How did you feel about how you did? Did you feel like you knew most
of the stuff?’”
One of the things you can do as your children grow
older is think, “Now, what would a Bing School teacher do in
this circumstance?” And I think you’ll find that there’s
some wisdom there that you can apply at any age. The answer
is to go back and look at the qualities of a preschool
environment. What are the things that children are
experiencing in preschool that we want to promote and
support throughout our children’s lives?
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The second “C” is a sense of control. People enjoy doing things when
they feel they’re doing them because they want to, or choose to, as
opposed to doing something because they feel they have to do it. You can
take the very same activity and take away the enjoyment when you are
told what to do, how to do it, and when to do it all day long. That’s
what school is often like for kids, so don’t make your home that way.
For example, the natural reaction when children are not making wise
decisions is to take away control, to clamp down. So when a child gets a
bad grade, what does the parent do? They take away the Gameboy or
football or TV. But remember, it’s motivating to choose -- to feel like
you’re doing something because you decided to do it. Instead of seizing
control, problem solve with your child. Engage them in the solution. Ask
questions. Give them hints about what might be an acceptable solution.
It gives children a greater sense of control and ownership. Then
there is a greater likelihood that they’ll follow through with the
solution and children learn strategies for addressing problems.
The third “C” is a sense of connectedness. People don’t feel
comfortable and aren’t motivated in situations where they feel excluded,
disliked, or marginalized. We’re much more likely to feel comfortable
and engaged and interested when we feel like we’re valued for what we’re
doing, that we’re cared about, that we’re liked.
When you want your child to pay attention to what you think, they’re
going to be much more attentive if they feel like you’re their partner,
rather than the enemy -- the person who’s trying to control them and
tell them what to do and make them do things that they may not want to
do.
A lot of life is about asking the right question.
The wonderment of the four-year-old, the desire to know and
understand -- “How does that work? Where does the moon go
during the day?” -- these are things we should cherish. You
can model a love of inquiry in your home -- ask questions,
have conversations, consider the puzzle of where the moon
goes, and discover the answers together. That’s the kind of
home that is going to raise a child who is passionate about
learning.
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Remembering the challenges that children have in a preschool, the
choices children have in preschool and the problem-solving that goes on
in preschool is a very good model for parenting. It’s also a way to
counteract some of the negative effects that seem inevitable even in the
very best of schools as children begin to be concerned about their
performance. If our homes can be made more like preschool, children will
be healthier, happier, take joy in learning, and continue to have
confidence and high expectations for success -- just as Bing
preschoolers do.
The I. James Quillen Dean and Professor of Education at Stanford
University, Deborah J. Stipe joined the Stanford School of Education in
2001. Her scholarship concerns instructional effects on children’s
achievement, motivation, and early childhood education. A member of the
National Academy of Education, she is the author of two books on
motivation -- Motivating Minds: Raising Children to Love Learning,
written for parents and Motivation to Learn: Integrating Theory and
Practice for teachers. She previously was on the faculty at UCLA for
twenty-three years where she served as Director of the Corinne Seeds
University Elementary School and the Urban Education Studies Center. Her
doctorate is from Yale University in developmental psychology.
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